Consciously avoiding dual relationships in coaching

“Boundaries are the foundation of healthy relationships; they foster respect and mutual understanding.” – John Gottman

As a professional coaches, we understand that the relationship established with the coachee is the critical ingredient in terms of a predictor of successful outcomes. This is confirmed by academic research, client feedback and our lived experience as coaches.

If coaching is truly to be transformational, it must involve a relationship that is built on trust, where the coachee feels seen, is safe and can truly relax into the coaching space. The relationship is the crucible for change and gives permission to the coachee to be vulnerable and to work at relational depth with their coach.

However, once practising, coaches often experience the negative impact of dual relationships, where multiple, overlapping relationships and roles start to complicate and impact the coaching relationship by blurring personal and professional boundaries and reducing its potency, effectiveness and objectivity.

The EMCC Global Code of Ethics provides the following guidance for professional coaches in its Conflict of interest section:

For example, Dan had started training as a coach and had begun a coaching relationship with his colleague Beverley that he works with on the same team. When she had heard about his course, she had volunteered to be his coachee, saying she was happy to be a guinea pig and support him. As the coaching progressed, he was finding it harder to maintain the momentum of their coaching sessions; she said although she wanted to help him (and do him a favour) she had nothing pressing to work on. He came to supervision as he was noticing that he was frustrated with her for the lack of commitment, and this was now beginning to impact upon their working relationship.

Dual relationships pose various challenges to coaching relationships including:

1. Blurring of boundaries — when a coach and client share more than one type of relationship, it becomes harder to keep interactions within the agreed contract and parameters of the coaching relationship. For example, coaching a friend may lead to the coachee asking for their friend’s perspective and advice.
2. Not being a clean objective mirror for the coachee – if the coach already knows information about the coachee and the coachee’s situation it may be challenging for them to be neutral and objective as a coach.  
3. Conflicts of interest — dual relationships mean that the coach may face situations where the interests of one role conflict with the other. For instance, if a coach is providing coaching to their team members, their business role might influence them, becoming more directive and taking more responsibility within the coaching conversation.
4. Loss of objectivity – an existing personal and or professional connection can make it difficult to maintain an unbiased perspective. If a coach is too invested in the client’s personal life and or career, they may unconsciously collude with the coachee’s thinking or resist challenging their perspective.  
5. Challenges to confidentiality — in dual relationships, it may be hard to maintain strict confidentiality. For example, a coach that is working with a team and coaching the leader and team members at the same time may find it challenging to know information from team members about their views of the leader’s capability.
6. Coach confusion – coaches may become confused as to what one coachee said vs another coachee, or whether the coachee provided the information in the session or outside of the session, or if the information was shared by somebody else.
7. Client confusion — coachees may struggle to understand which “hat” the coach is wearing, especially if they have another role outside of coaching sessions. This can create misunderstandings or role confusion, and may compromise the effectiveness of the coaching as the coachee does not feel safe.
8. Negative impact on existing relationship – if working with a coachee with whom you have an existing relationship (e.g. friend), the existing relationship can be negatively impacted (or even end).
9. Power imbalances – dual relationships often bring a power imbalance into the coaching relationship. For example, the coach or coachee may have a different level of hierarchy within an organisation — i.e., if an internal coach was asked to coach their line manager, despite a strong contracting session, the coach might never feel able to challenge their coachee / line manager.
10. Unconscious games – having an organisational role such as a leader may mean that often you are pulled into a parent-child dynamic with your team member. These unconscious games can also be replicated for the leader that is also acting as an internal coach.

Of course, dual relationships are not always obvious or unavoidable. As experienced coaches know, as the coaching progresses dual relationships may start to emerge. To bring this to life, here are three further examples from experienced coaches:

Example one

John is a senior manager within a large organisation and has been an internal coach for many years. He recently contracted with Brian (a coachee he had previously supported a couple of years ago) for a new 1-to-1 coaching programme to focus on his career aspirations. Between the contracting session and session one, an organisational restructure has been announced which means Brian is now likely to fall within John’s business area and will be managed by one of the operational managers reporting to one of John’s direct reports.  John and the coachee have met to discuss this and whilst both have said they can manage the dual relationship, John comes to supervision as something still does not feel right for him.

Example two

Helen works as an independent executive coach; she has been in the coaching pool of a large organisation in the private sector for many years. She has started to coach a new client and as their coaching continues, she has started to realise that the coachee is continually referring to another client of hers. Even though in the past the organisation has been very good at managing any potential conflicts of interest, in this instance, Helen is now coaching two members of the same team that work closely with each other. She is concerned about her ability to support her new coachee when she already knows so much about her and comes to supervision to reflect further on this.

Example three

Robert works in HR within a charity and has been coaching a leader for the past months who works within the business area that he supports as a HR Business Partner. He attends a meeting about a restructure and learns that his client will be put at risk because of the change programme which will commence in three months’ time. He comes to supervision to discuss this as he is challenged by the conflict of interest between his HR role and role as internal coach and his experience of loss of neutrality.

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Our top five strategies for avoiding and navigating dual relationships

1. Avoid entering any obvious dual relationship with a potential coachee
If you are aware of an existing relationship with a coachee, prioritise this over the coaching relationship. Holding this boundary will keep things simple and ensure that your coaching relationships are built on strong foundations. It is better to recommend another coach to work with a potential client then get drawn into the complexity of trying to manage the challenges of a dual relationship.

2. Get the initial chemistry and contracting session right
A strong chemistry meeting and co-created contracting sessions will help you identify and navigate any potential dual relationships. If you are uncertain of this potential coaching relationship due to another relationship, the coachee is likely to be feeling the same. A contracting session also provides the opportunity to discuss ‘what ifs’ with the coachee too, e.g. what if in the future we find ourselves in a business meeting whilst we are in this coaching relationship?

3. ABC – ‘Always be Contracting’
As we have explored, dual relationships may emerge as the coaching continues. Regularly reviewing the relationship and discussing these boundaries with the coachee is an important way to re-evaluate and re-establish the strength and safety of the coaching relationship.

4. Undertake supervision
Undertaking regular supervision provides you with the space and support to review a dual relationship with a coach supervisor and identify strategies for dealing with it professionally and effectively.

5. Limit Social Interactions
We would encourage you to limit any social interactions with your coachees as much as possible. Avoid situations that could blur boundaries or lead to a blending of roles (such as meeting for a coffee). This is especially relevant to social media use, where boundaries can easily become blurred.