Understanding our reactive tendencies — the Fawn Response

As coaches, we develop a deep understanding of human behaviour and psychology; the ways we respond to stress and danger are as varied as they are fascinating.

Many of us are familiar with the “fight, flight and freeze” reactive patterns, but there’s another, less-discussed reaction known as the “fawn” response — this blog post aims to shed light on its origins and implications. My experience as a coach supervisor has shown that this is a familiar pattern for many coaches and professional helpers.

What is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response is a survival mechanism rooted in the instinct to appease or please a threat to avoid harm. Unlike the fight, flight or freeze responses, which involve direct confrontation or escape, fawning involves pacifying the aggressor through compliance, submission, or ingratiation. This response is particularly prevalent in situations where the individual perceives the threat as too powerful to confront or evade effectively.

Origins of the Fawn Response

The origins of the fawn response go back to early human societies, where social cohesion and harmony were crucial for survival. In tightly knit communities, maintaining peace and avoiding conflict with dominant figures or groups was often a matter of life and death. Thus, fawning became an adaptive behaviour, helping individuals navigate complex social hierarchies and power dynamics.

This response is deeply embedded in our neural circuitry. The brain’s amygdala, responsible for detecting threats, can trigger a fawn response when it perceives danger that cannot be fought or fled from. This response is further reinforced by the brain’s reward system, which releases calming neurotransmitters like oxytocin and endorphins when social harmony is achieved, thus promoting fawning behaviours as a coping strategy.

Mechanisms of the Fawn Response

Fawning manifests in various ways, often involving behaviours aimed at placating the perceived threat.

These can include:

1. Excessive agreeableness: going along with others’ demands or opinions, even at the expense of one’s own needs or values.
2. People-pleasing: prioritising others’ happiness and approval over personal well-being, often leading to self-neglect.
3. Conflict avoidance: avoiding confrontation or disagreement to maintain peace, even in situations where standing up for oneself might be warranted.
4. Submissive behaviour: displaying signs of submission, such as lowered posture, reduced eye contact, or deferential speech.

While these behaviours can be adaptive in certain contexts, they can also become maladaptive if they lead to chronic self-suppression or exploitation by others.

Implications of the Fawn Response

Understanding the fawn response has significant implications for personal growth and mental health. Chronic fawning can contribute to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Individuals who habitually fawn may struggle with setting boundaries, asserting their needs and developing a robust sense of identity.

However, recognising and addressing fawning behaviours can be a powerful step toward healing and self-empowerment. Here are several strategies for managing the fawn response:

1. Mindfulness: Developing awareness of one’s automatic responses to stress and consciously choosing more adaptive behaviours. Responding rather than reacting. You can get some tips on how to start a mindfulness practice here, or join our free mindfulness group here.
2. Self-Compassion: Cultivating a kind and understanding attitude toward oneself, particularly when recognising patterns of fawning. Learn more about self-compassion here.
3. Boundary Setting: Learning to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with others, even in the face of potential conflict. Working with a supervisor can support you to identify when you overextend as a coach.
4. Developing Assertiveness: Practicing assertive communication to express one’s needs and opinions confidently and respectfully.

By understanding the origins, mechanisms, and implications of fawning, one can gain greater self-awareness and develop healthier ways of responding to stress and potential threats. As with all survival mechanisms, the key lies in recognising when the fawn response is adaptive, and when it may be holding us back from living authentically and fully. Through mindfulness, self-compassion, and assertiveness, we can learn to navigate our relationships with greater confidence and resilience.

Source: Rick Hanson Wellbeing Podcast – The Fawn Response.